in defense of my real housewives upbringing
how the real housewives altered my brain chemistry
Cast of The Real Housewives Ultimate Girls Trip: Roaring 20th [L-R] Luann de Lesseps (NYC), Teresa Giudice (New Jersey), Vicki Gunvalson (OC), Gizelle Bryant (Potomac), Kyle Richards (Beverly Hills), Lisa Barlow (Salt Lake City), Porsha Williams (Atlanta)
Words by Staff Writer: Leah Korenberg | Photos: Courtesy of Bravo
twenty years ago, the world was introduced to orange county’s finest: jeana keough, kimberly bryant, jo de la rosa, lauri waring petersen and vicki gunvalson- the founding mothers of bravo’s the real housewives. the oc housewives birthed a reality tv phenomenon with the launch of twelve real housewives series, along with international editions and several spinoffs, including the real housewives ultimate girls trip: roaring 20th, which premiered on august 9th. despite its cultural impact, the franchise is often perceived by critics as toxic depictions of women that perpetuate “negative stereotypes.” i believe that the real housewives achieve quite the contrary. the show gives audiences the discernment to recognize toxic traits in relationships through complex relationship dynamics, and asserts that even though society rushes for success, the things that make life sweet are still yet to come.
in 2006, my two-year-old self was unfortunately preoccupied with elmo and bear in the big blue house. i didn’t grow up with the real housewives, but they came into my life at a time when i needed the most guidance; at the precipice of adulthood. it was 2024, and i had just turned twenty, very much in the transition to adulthood. i was in the process of letting go of relationships that had no longer served me, but had yet to identify the ways in which i had been harmed. twenty was a fundamental period of growth and introspection for me, occupying the space between childhood and adulthood which allowed me to embrace my multidimensionality and discover interests that create a sense of wholeness and demand self-reflection.
i was looking for a new series to binge and had seen clips of the real housewives of salt lake city on tiktok, and my interest was piqued after seeing a few of jen shah’s explosive outbursts. i was also drawn to the show since it was only five seasons at the time, and i wasn’t ready to jump into a fifteen-season commitment. but little did i know, this viewing experience would develop into a full-blown real housewives obsession. now in july of 2026, i’ve seen the entirety of the real housewives of salt lake city, beverly hills, new york, atlanta, potomac, orange county, the newest rhode island series and am currently watching new jersey.
NeNe Leakes in a money dress by designer Guillermo Nuñez of Guillermo Couture for her December 2012 Ebony Magazine cover shoot and feature.
i knew i was in for a treat during the first episode of salt lake city when mary cosby told jen shah that she smells “like hospital.” mary is construed as a controversial figure from the moment we learn that she has been married to her step-grandfather, robert sr., since age twenty five, and mentions that it was “kind of in my grandma’s will for us to marry.” instantly perplexed, i knew bravo had struck gold with mary and was eager to explore her unconventional story.
after mary’s grandmother rosemary passed away, mary assumed the role of first lady of faith temple pentecostal church. in january 2022, mary’s estranged mother, rosalind, and stepfather appeared on the up and adam podcast, alleging that mary and robert sr. married to gain control of the church, and that rosalind never expressed a wish for them to marry. ex-congregants of mary’s church have also accused her of running a cult, and the three-part docuseries “the cult of the real housewife,” which premiered on january 1st, features interviews of former church members claiming that mary and robert sr. pressured members to make financial sacrifices to keep the church afloat.
as a polarizing housewife, i couldn’t help but be intrigued by the mind of mary cosby. i was drawn to her impeccable and unintentional comedic timing, while she mutters to herself that heather gay “doesn’t even know she looks inbred,” and mistakenly declares, “you called me a pornography!” what i find most admirable about mary is the vulnerability and courage she displayed when her son, robert jr., opened up to her about his struggles with addiction. when robert compared life to “chicken unseasoned” and felt “like a stain,” mary emotionally articulates, “you’re my friend, you’re my son, you’re my gift… you were everything i hoped for in a person.” for mary to share such an intimate moment with her son was extremely influential and imperative to destigmatizing addiction, and instrumental in displaying that addiction is a commonality in every community, regardless of affluency. mary tragically lost robert jr. just before filming for season seven of the real housewives of salt lake city, and the upcoming season will highlight how mary is navigating the loss of her son, which will provide comfort to families in similar situations. i think mary is often misunderstood by her complexity and contentious demeanor, but her impact of spreading awareness to addiction and noteworthy resilience makes her one of the most iconic and real housewives.
“when you watch real housewives, especially as an anthropological study, you start to realize that the things that they go through in life is not very different from the things that average women go through,” said influencer aliyah’s interlude (@aliyahsinterlude).
[L-R] Kyle Richards, Brandi Glanville, and Lisa Vanderpump, all from RHOBH.
i think the real housewives is a pivotal observation and encourages audiences to imagine themselves in their position and contemplate how they would manage in a similar situation, which is particularly influential to younger viewers who can benefit from their mistakes and identify toxic behavior without having to experience it themselves.
ashley darby of the real housewives of potomac’s volatile marriage and prolonged divorce from her ex-husband michael darby serve as a significant cautionary tale about how the great lengths you go to defend your partner from controversy ultimately damage your character and credibility.
michael darby was accused of assaulting a cameraman and was charged with felony assault and misdemeanor improper sexual contact, which was later dismissed due to insufficient evidence, but the cameras captured audio of the cameraman saying “please don’t do that,” in response to michael. ashley vehemently stood by her husband, and once again defended her husband against cheating allegations after a photo of him was released in a hotel bedroom. while michael denied the allegations, ashley tells her fellow castmates that she “doesn’t know why he would be lying at this point,” and brings up the fact that they’ve had an open marriage in the past. in an attempt to save face for her marriage and do damage control, it feels like ashley is trying to convince herself of her husband’s truthfulness without realizing the harm that she is putting herself through.
“i think it’s helpful for women to see different relationship dynamics to understand and kind of see the red flags and signs that maybe they could run into in relationships,” said tiktok user abefroman (@abefromanx).
real housewives has become a tool for me to identify toxic traits and deepen my emotional intelligence, and it has reinforced the importance of accountability. the housewives’ confessionals function as therapy sessions because they are forced to examine their behavior, and the reunions at the end of the season allow the wives to reconvene. the reunions, while often confrontational in nature, are my favorite part of any season because the wives discuss everything that has happened in a three-part reunion with andy cohen, the ringleader of the real housewives, who always ask the shadiest of questions to keep the housewives on their toes.
The original cast of The Real Housewives of Atlanta. [L-R] Kim Zolciak, NeNe Leakes, Shereé Whitfield, DeShawn Snow, and Lisa Wu.
“growing up as a millennial woman, we were definitely taught that your twenties is the best decade and you gotta get married by 28, and once you’re over 30, you’re old and your life is over. so, seeing these older women who had lived many different lives and were in a completely different season of life than me really showed me that life doesn’t end as a woman just because you’re getting older,” said influencer reality with kristen (@realitywithkristen).
watching housewives also taught me to embrace my journey and not compare myself to someone else’s success. our culture expects us to have our lives planned out at eighteen, and watching women in their forties, fifties and sixties falling in love again and navigating complicated relationship dynamics is impactful and comforting , allowing younger viewers to see aging portrayed positively
“i really do think your 40s are the best time of your life. i am more comfortable in my own skin and care less about what people think about me,” said tamra judge (real housewives of orange county).
seeing these women live unapologetically, admitting fault and sharing vulnerable moments helped me develop a more positive outlook regarding my future, and your twenties are simply not the best years of your life when there’s so much life ahead of you.
the real housewives have affirmed and emboldened my sense of self in ways i didn’t know reality tv was capable of, by feeling more comfortable asserting my viewpoint and speaking my mind (just not at the expense of others). i’ve also sharpened my problem-solving skills and i’ve learned to articulate myself more assuredly in conversation, but especially in arguments, thanks to the queen of reads, nene leakes.
i believe that the real housewives offer critical lessons to young people, especially in the midst of the delicate transition between childhood and adulthood. i wish i had found my coffee ice cream earlier in life because the housewives have provided me with knowledge to ascertain the red flags in my relationships as a teenager. with the housewives all over the world guiding me, i know i can conquer anything that this world will throw my way. here’s my official housewives tagline:
“i’m not i-candy on the screen, but i’m serving it sweet in the zine!”
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xoxo, leah korenberg